He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
