You're a womanizer and a bitch.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
