we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
