So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
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saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
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How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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