The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
