Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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