i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
