dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
