your thong is hanging out like whoa
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
