I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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