Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
And then my night got REAL pukey
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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