she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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