I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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