Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
sex in a hospital.. check
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
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