so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
