I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
