If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
