I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
