Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
