You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
The air was thick with penises
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Randomize
