I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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