i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
if i can run in heels then i can drive
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
