Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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