she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
