I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
