after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
