Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I intend to get homeless drunk
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Randomize
