i think i have herpe
just one?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
