Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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