saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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