It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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