my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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