Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
