Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
