Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
