you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
