I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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