i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
