Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
