ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
