the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Sorry my hands just texted you
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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