he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
