i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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