we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
