all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
