Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
