you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
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