have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
