So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
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