Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
