We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Randomize
