I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
