dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
