Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
