He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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