My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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