apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
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