The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
