i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
