There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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