life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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