tell your sister to shave her snatch
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
