I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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