I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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