I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
