just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
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We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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