I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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