she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
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Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
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I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
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