I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
