Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
