Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
