I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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