You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
