bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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