Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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