Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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