His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
